Emotional Revelations

I always pondered why I was overweight.  You always hear others’ stories about how they became fat to cope with a bad childhood, unhappy marriage, tragedy, psychological issues but I do not have, nor have I ever had any of that.  My life has been amazing.  My parents are the best you could ask for, I was never abused, never been on psych meds, I have a wonderful marriage with two perfect kids, I love my life!  So why am I fat?  I cannot deny that genetics play a part, but I cannot truthfully blame it fully on genetics. 

When I was a teenager, I had a short scuffle with anorexia.  That, I always knew began after a comment from a relative I hadn’t seen in a while.  They commented jokingly on how I’d gotten chubby.  It was pretty much immediately after that when I decided to stop eating regularly and drink a gallon of water before bed at night.  I dropped just over 20 pounds in a very short amount of time.  I don’t recall how or when I started eating again, but it was before I had gotten to the point where anyone (except my mother) would worry. 

Fast forward to today, over 15 years (ouch!) later.  Recently, I was at a store and was overjoyed when every single piece of clothing in a “normal” women’s size (not plus sized) I tried on fit and fit well.  My butt actually looked not only smaller than it was just 2 months before, but it looked awesome!  I couldn’t wait to get home to put on my new normal clothes.  When I did, I felt unbelievable.  I can’t tell you the last time I felt like a normal person instead of noticeably fatter than everyone else around me.  Much to my dismay, when I went out that day, no one I knew said anything.  Not.  One.  Word.  (Well, to my husband’s credit, he did, but he’s always complimented me.)  I was instantly discouraged.  Did I have a false image of myself?  Did all my efforts really not show as much as I thought they did?  It was at that moment I created the side-by-side comparison that most of you have seen (and if I figure out how to post it here I will) and posted it to my wall on Facebook.  The response was overwhelmingly positive.  Not only did I get the reassurance that my efforts really had made a difference, but to my surprise, some people looked at me as an “inspiration.”  ME!

This felt AMAZING!  It also left me questioning why I needed that positive reinforcement when I’ve never been one to seek out attention.  I used the time I had during one of my long runs to analyze why I needed the “attention.”  I realized, most of my life, I’ve been fortunate enough to get comments pretty regularly about how pretty I was, or how my hair always looked good, etc.  At some point when I started gaining weight, those comments were less frequent and since my self confidence had weakened significantly, I didn’t expect them, nor did I want to accept them if I did get them.  I knew I was fat and so any compliments I received I chalked up to people just trying to be nice.  When I finally did something about it and was proud of my results, I guess I expected the people around me (geographically) to notice, and to say something.  I say “geographically” because during my journey, I’ve had the great fortune to have a whole group of good friends I met through the online community who are unbelievably supportive and motivating.  They helped me through, they are the ones who helped me get where I am today.

I say all of this not to make anyone around me feel bad, not to make you feel bad for me, and not to seek out attention.  I said this because it's MY blog and I can say whatever the hell I want... but seriously.  No matter who you are, or what your personality, you need POSITIVE support whether you think you do or not.  If you find you do not have the support around you that you need, seek it out.  I can’t tell you how much it will enhance your success, and your happiness!