Emotional Revelations

I always pondered why I was overweight.  You always hear others’ stories about how they became fat to cope with a bad childhood, unhappy marriage, tragedy, psychological issues but I do not have, nor have I ever had any of that.  My life has been amazing.  My parents are the best you could ask for, I was never abused, never been on psych meds, I have a wonderful marriage with two perfect kids, I love my life!  So why am I fat?  I cannot deny that genetics play a part, but I cannot truthfully blame it fully on genetics. 

When I was a teenager, I had a short scuffle with anorexia.  That, I always knew began after a comment from a relative I hadn’t seen in a while.  They commented jokingly on how I’d gotten chubby.  It was pretty much immediately after that when I decided to stop eating regularly and drink a gallon of water before bed at night.  I dropped just over 20 pounds in a very short amount of time.  I don’t recall how or when I started eating again, but it was before I had gotten to the point where anyone (except my mother) would worry. 

Fast forward to today, over 15 years (ouch!) later.  Recently, I was at a store and was overjoyed when every single piece of clothing in a “normal” women’s size (not plus sized) I tried on fit and fit well.  My butt actually looked not only smaller than it was just 2 months before, but it looked awesome!  I couldn’t wait to get home to put on my new normal clothes.  When I did, I felt unbelievable.  I can’t tell you the last time I felt like a normal person instead of noticeably fatter than everyone else around me.  Much to my dismay, when I went out that day, no one I knew said anything.  Not.  One.  Word.  (Well, to my husband’s credit, he did, but he’s always complimented me.)  I was instantly discouraged.  Did I have a false image of myself?  Did all my efforts really not show as much as I thought they did?  It was at that moment I created the side-by-side comparison that most of you have seen (and if I figure out how to post it here I will) and posted it to my wall on Facebook.  The response was overwhelmingly positive.  Not only did I get the reassurance that my efforts really had made a difference, but to my surprise, some people looked at me as an “inspiration.”  ME!

This felt AMAZING!  It also left me questioning why I needed that positive reinforcement when I’ve never been one to seek out attention.  I used the time I had during one of my long runs to analyze why I needed the “attention.”  I realized, most of my life, I’ve been fortunate enough to get comments pretty regularly about how pretty I was, or how my hair always looked good, etc.  At some point when I started gaining weight, those comments were less frequent and since my self confidence had weakened significantly, I didn’t expect them, nor did I want to accept them if I did get them.  I knew I was fat and so any compliments I received I chalked up to people just trying to be nice.  When I finally did something about it and was proud of my results, I guess I expected the people around me (geographically) to notice, and to say something.  I say “geographically” because during my journey, I’ve had the great fortune to have a whole group of good friends I met through the online community who are unbelievably supportive and motivating.  They helped me through, they are the ones who helped me get where I am today.

I say all of this not to make anyone around me feel bad, not to make you feel bad for me, and not to seek out attention.  I said this because it's MY blog and I can say whatever the hell I want... but seriously.  No matter who you are, or what your personality, you need POSITIVE support whether you think you do or not.  If you find you do not have the support around you that you need, seek it out.  I can’t tell you how much it will enhance your success, and your happiness!

Staying Motivated

It's been about 5 weeks that I've been on Weight Watchers and on this journey to a healthier, more athletic me.  Its good.  The other day, I was feeling a bit discouraged and reached out to an inspiration.  (Those are the friends who I find most motivating and encouraging.  I keep them close at hand.) I told her, I feel so discouraged.  I have been doing great.  I've lost nearly 10 pounds, I ran a 5 mile race (5 miles, not just 5k!), I am in control and on track, but knowing that I have another 50-60 pounds to go is overwhelming and daunting.  I know this isn't a diet, I know I'll need to (and truth be told I want to) be doing this for the rest of my life, but 50 pounds, that's a huge hill!  She reminded it me that it's not about 50 pounds; it's about the next 5 or 10 pounds.  Whatever it is, my mini goal, the next step in the road.  She also sent me a website of a very inspirational woman who took this journey, needing to lose nearly triple the weight I need to and has been at her goal and maintaining.  Something in her blog stuck with me.  She said:
            "I think what was most helpful was living one day at a time. With 100+ pounds to go before I reached the finish line of weight loss, it was very easy to become discouraged when I looked at the big picture. I just tried to get through the day feeling my best and knowing that I just kicked Monday in the pants. Sometimes I thought, 'Oh my God, I can’t eat another egg white omelet for breakfast and not have a Reese’s McFlurry ever again.' But then I asked myself, 'Can you do it today, Andrea? Just today?' And I could. That question made each day manageable."

Sometimes, no matter what our hurdle or goal, we get into a rhythm and we forget that this (life) is only achieved one day at a time.  If anyone figures out a way to speed that up, you let me know 'cause I'll buy stock in whatever you're selling.

If you are interested in reading 'Andrea's' journey, her site is very inspirational and you can visit at http://www.canyoustayfordinner.com/

Resolutions.

Every year, I join the millions who make some sort of New Year's resolution to somehow make my life better in the coming year.  Sometimes I'm successful, and sometimes I stray.  This year I've made three resolutions.  The first is to run 12 races in 2012.  The second resolution is to "try" to buy only 2nd hand clothing (don't worry, undergarments are excluded in this resolution,) and the third is to learn to use chopsticks.
As January comes to an end, I am proud to say that I've completed race #1.  I ran a 5 mile course as part of the Frosty's Frozen 5 and 10 on January 18th, 2012.  I know it's cliche, but I can't tell you how empowering it was to cross that finish line.  All my life I've said what many say, "I am not a runner, I'm just not good at it and my body wasn't designed to run."  I've found if you say you can't, you are right, and if you say you can, you are right.  I've chosen to say not only "I can" but "I will"  My next race is another 5 miler on February 18th, the Snowman Stampede.  I am truly excited!

Resolution #2 I've already failed, but am going to redeem myself.  I bought a dress shirt the night before a photo shoot we had for my company website.  I ended up not wearing the shirt and am going to return it.  This is a good reminder to do that today.  This resolution is going to prove challenging.  I am not a shopper by nature, in fact, I despise shopping.  I have, however been losing weight and am going to Vegas on a girls weekend in March, so finding smaller clothes and smaller Vegas clothes will be on my list in the next month or so.  Stay tuned.
Resolution #3.  I LOVE sushi like most people LOVE bacon. I eat it at least once a week, and usually with a fork.  Real classy.  Notice I said "usually."  Last week, I used chopsticks successfully for an entire sushi roll.  Next week, I might tackle the salad as well.

Hi there!  I am initially starting this blog as part of my journey toward a longer, happier, healthier life.  I am a quiet girl with a lot going on inside my head.  I decided I need a place to journal where I can share my thoughts with only those whom I care to share them with and to those who are interested.  Welcome to my journey and thanks for joining me on the ride!